Saucy Faucet

08-09-06 10:04 PM

Dane had wanted me to blog about a phenonmenon I like to call "PMS Amnesia" it happens to me every month when all of a sudden, the world has turned into complete jackasses all bent on pissing me off. Everyone needs to be corrected, the all aren't doing exactly what I want them to do--and it must be fixed *right now* ARGH! Then, about a week later-all the jerks that populated the world have turned into nice people and all is right with the world... then it occurs to me... "Hey, wait a minute.... I'm starting my period... OH! It must have been *ME* that was crazy! I need to chill out."

Then, three weeks later...

SHIT ON A SHINGLE! WHY IS EVERYONE SUCH A FREAKING BUNGHOLE!?!?!?! ARGH!!!!

It's like somehow when I am in the throes of my hormonal rage, I forget this happens each month. :)

So yesterday in the middle this-- my camera- 17 days into a 14 day return period breaks. I was shooting pictures of Nate, they looked so good-and then the camera corrupted all the data. I am so proud of myself that I keep my cool and didn't lose it. I had tears in my eyes and I was seriously teetering on the edge thinking of the $1,600 wasted on a malfunctioning Canon 30D....

I did get the return--thank God.

I am shooting the hell out of the new camera to test it before the two weddings I have in two weeks...

I am making a mix CD to play at our different sittings... I already made a little little kid one and a couple in love one and a teenager one.... I am crafting a family CD- to encourage warm mushy feelings to make people buy more. There it is. Crass as it is. Here's the thing- as hard as I work, if they don't buy the picture then the child never gets to see it and all that work is lost... anyway--

So I've come up with:

I Hope You Dance Lee Ann Womack
Let Them Be Little (this song makes me cry--and exactly gets how I feel about children... actually- I am putting the lyrics here..)

Let Them Be Little by Billy Dean

I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand.
You felt so good in it; no bigger than a minute.
How it amazes me you're changin' with every blink.
Faster than a flower blooms, they grow up all too soon.

So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give 'em hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

I never felt so much in one little tender touch.
I live for those kisses, your prayers an' your wishes.
An' now you're teachin' me how only a child can see.
Tonight, while we're on our knees, all I ask is:

Please, let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

The so innocent, precious soul:
You turn around, an' it's time to let them go.

So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give 'em praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let them sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

Let them be little.

and...

Sign, Sealed, Delivered by Stevie Wonder
100 Years by Five for Fighting
Give a Little Bit by Supertramp
These are the Days by 10,000 Maniacs
The Loving by XTC (doesn't really fit well...)

Anyway- I need help!! Any songs get you mushy about your family?

I'm on my way to Baton Rouge and I have a bunch of pictures from LA and Atlanta-- just no time to upload them yet. Til Friday night I will be in a hotel with high speed... so I'll catch up tonight.

more:

I drove through New Orleans on my way home. WOW. Parts of it look better, but a lot of it still looks as bad as a month after Katrina. I feel so terrible because there's still just SO MUCH TO DO. and this year's hurricane season is just around the corner.

*sigh*

Time to go home soon.. it's been wonderful and it feels like I just left yeaterday not a year and a half ago....


Here's my journal from the plane ride over:
Plane Blog


Air Tran flight 55 ATL->LAX.

Listening to David Gray sing from my ipod and flying over Mississippi... lulled into a sleep from the soothing tones on my ipod, I was jarred awake by a live track that had cheering and whooping... I popped my eyes opened and jolted in my seat thinking the plane was going down.. All is well, but adenaline is flowing.

A little guy in the row next to me has been screaming from exhaustion now and then... his poor mom should have really bought another seat for him, he's two and can't understand why he has to stay in her lap for five hours in a completely full flight.

Mom said to me yesterday that she admired me after watching Oprah the other day about single women in their thirties... That they feel this pressure to marry and when they do they lose themselves in the other person. I am happy to my own girl. (Is anyone else worried about the power of Oprah?!?!)

I have been feeling tubby recently and being less vigilant about WW... and I have been staying about the same even though I need to push on to goal... There's no food on AirTran, which is good and bad. I didn't pack snacks so I will probably be starving when I land... but good because I don't have to eat the unhealthy airplane food.

Right now I am flying over my old home... the mighty, muddy Mississippi River. I am, as a general rule over sentimental. I've said it before, the things I've loved, even if the relationships over, I always love them. Like my Commodore 64. We really don't speak--but i will always love SpyHunter and Bruce Lee. I look back on my life and feel these twinges of nostaglia.. Often I find I view my past with rose colored glasses. When I left LA, I felt so ready to get out-- until my goodbye party when I had so much fun, I wanted to stay!! Since I've left I've missed it and my friends so much. I am excited to get back on the 10 and see the skyline and the sign for the 101 freeway. Freeway! I haven't said that in a year! It's all interstates in Alabama.

Billy Joel is on now and I think I can manage to close my eyes again and try to nap. I didn't get very much sleep yesterday after working twelve hours, driving home, packing, and driving three hours to the airport to make a 9am flight.

I met a really nice woman at the airport who is in her second year of med school... She lives in LA and is visiting a friend from elementary school to relax. I got her through check in and she got me a seat on the flight.. (The gate guy told her she had the last seat, and she said, oh.. but we're together! he said he could get us both on, though not sitting together, We grinned in the shared strange instant comraderie forged by navagating the airport together trying to leave the stormy South for SoCal sun... )


Some bug bit me in three places on my arm and hand last night. At first it itched wildly and looked like a mosquito bite. Then this morning, the whole area was swollen and where I was bit was little fluid filled bubbles, Now it's turned into a red welt looking thing... What the hell bit me, I wonder?!?!? One of the bites on my hand is right where the little finger meets the ring finger--a very inconvient place to get bitten. Yeowsa.

The little guy that was screaming is now flinging himself into the woman with the seat in front of them.. She is looking more and more deperately pissed off. Her daughter/clone next to her keeps doing the uebersigh and glare... i can't blame them-I'd be miserable if that kid was kicking my seat the whole flight.

The flight attendant is from hammersmith. He called me "luv". I thought he was gay, i think he's just European... always such a hard call and I find them both really attractive... :)

Okay, I am going to try to wrote about something that I haven't fully formed an opinion on about people I don't know-- so it is most likely completely wrong. I was thinking about Rosie O'Donnell this morning and her mad crush on Tom Cruise... Leaving aside that she's gay.. I always wondered if she were thin if it would have been okay for her to have such a mad crush on him. When I was huge it was safe for me to flirt because being chubby it was harmless. When I first started losing weight and people took me up on my flirting it was a total shock. It's not so much anymore.

Almost to California! i got a few naps in... with the head bobbing when you fall asleep. I hate when I do that.

It reminded me of traveling with Justin by bus in Scotland. It was a wet day and they had the vent open so we were getting a bit of rain in now and then... a light misting... we were sleeping leaning on each other.. and suddenly I felt a little river of wetness down my arm. I peeped with one eye and saw Justin drooling all over me in his sleep. I don't think I've drooled on anyone this flight.

I am moving June 1st to Huntsville for what looks to be a year longer in alabama.

I think of it as rehab- getting the weight under control for a little bit longer before I go back to Los Angeles or New York as was suggested by my old boss this week.

I'm re-launching my personal website which has been down since I came south.. . I'm courting clients again, printing out cards- getting started up and feeling better about moving out on my own a little further North to a really pretty town with SPACE CAMP and an IMAX! Woohoo!

Anyway- sorry for the lack of updates, I have been traveling, preparing for my new job... and haven't I really posted enough pictures of me in my car???

I am apartment hunting and I found this in an ad for an apartment:

"We still valus the simpler time and the sluthern living experience."

YEAH BABY!

My little fetal niece has a name! Dave and Beth liked Erin which means Peace and is also used to signify Ireland.. and our Grandma's middle name is Theresa. I love it!

She's supposed to officially join the Maybury posse around March the 27th... I am really excited about it. I am sure I will OD on pictures, but you, my buzz buddies will just have to deal!!

I am thinking about getting on a boat again-this time an international one as a photographer, of course. If you have any feelings about this feel free to share them now. I will be discussing this in more depth on my blog.

The last appointment I have this year is a mid-August wedding in Virginia. I also have a wedding in May and one in March. So I'll have to work it all out.

I had such a craptastic day today-I was just in a sour
mood. My quads are killing me from working out and
although I am aware of the pain, I sort of like it-I
feel pride in working so hard-unfortunately I weighed
in +1 at the scale today which just felt like such a
blow. It's stupid, I know to get upset about half a
kilo... which could very well be a good poop-knowing
me, just an average poop... but still you can tell
your mind anything you want-but somehow the heart just
doesn't want to listen.

I keep telling myself fall down nine times, get up
ten... c'mon wens... but I am frustrated. I do think
I look *way* better than before but I am just ready to
get this monkey off my back. which is a lie because
after I am done I will have to maintain the weight...


enough of that.

Did you see the Olympic pairs skaters from China who
won the silver? The woman, Zhang Dan fell so badly on
the first throw that her knees were visibly bruising
as she came off the ice--but she went back and skated
albeit wobbly and finished the program and won a
silver medal! I was so moved I cried. I am letting
this be my inspiration to not be defeated in the short
term but to keep going- knowing that each week I am
taking a step towards something better--because all we
need is persistance not perfection.

Okay- so I gained weight in Germany... to the tune of ten pounds! Whoa! That's called having a good time if I ever heard it!

I lost four this past week and I am working on getting the rest of it off. I am hitting a cool stride with the weight and enjoying being a more normal size.

I am gearing up to move again... just trying to figure out where/when. and of course now I have made a bunch of new friends I will miss.

I am contemplating dating more--but then I worry that it will distract me from getting out of here.

Which seems important right now.

but I will miss my parents- it have actually been really wonderful spending time with them.

So if anyone has any photo-job leads and needs a chatty photographer around-- let me know.

Mom and Dad were ragging on me this morning- teasing me about stuff... and I said, "When I leave, you guys will just be sitting, looking at the walls, bored and missing me."

Dad, "Yeah, but we'll be doing it naked."

I had a bad morning. I woke up from a terrible dream in which Al Roker was grading my life and gave me a 38 out of 100!!! He listed ways that I could improve-- the only one I remember are improving my singing and taking more vitamins--but the report in the dream was pages thick about how I suck.

I was late to weight watchers--why? because I know I had eaten WAY too much chocolate this week. I decided to make my life better by blogging my morning from my cameraphone. I took some cutesy creative pictures on my commute and uploaded them... OR SO I THOUGHT! I was pissed today to find none of them made their way to Buzz and I still have Amir on my front page..

ARGH!

Work is CRAZY right now and I am starting to develop a twich everytime I see people in matching sweaters approach the studio.

I am running out of patience--which is bad. Christmas is still weeks away.

help.

I feel like I have no time/I am exhausted and I feel guilty for bitchin' because life isn't *that* bad.

I have all sorts of projects to finish, I am ignoring friends... I am not getting enough sleep- no excercise except chasing two year old back into the studio...

bleh.

BLEH.

and I gained this week. But at least I showed up and faced the scale. ECK! I haven't changed my stats yet-- I'll do it tomorrow.

I just want to hibernate through the winter. OH MY GOD! and are you ready for this?!?!? A customer told us today that she didn't to buy a "landscape" picture read: horizontal, because you can't buy frames to fit them. HOLY Schnikes! Doesn't she know that frames can usually just be turned on their sides and VIOLA! a horizontal frame! I would have believed she was kidding if I hadn't witnessed the completely blank look on her face, firsthand.

I have been staying with Aunt Jimmie Lou all week-- no computer there... but they do have a treadmill so that's good...

I should be back in the middle of this upcoming week.

i was SO sad today that karin's baby is a year old in Germany and I have never met her! So I booked a ticket- to go after Christmas to Germany.

yeah-- this may mean other trips have to wait- but life is too short to miss Helene any longer.

My beloved Rebel is broken to the tune of $288 dollars.

Grrrrrrrr.

This used to make Patrick and I laugh..

Quoting song lyrics-can make them go flat- but I hope this makes you smile.


by John S Hall
King Missile

I am a sensitive artist.
Nobody understands me because I am so deep.
In my work I make allusions to books that nobody else has read,
Music that nobody else has heard,
And art that nobody else has seen.
I can't help it
Because I am so much more intelligent
And well-rounded
Than everyone who surrounds me.

I stopped watching tv when I was six months old
Because it was so boring and stupid
And started reading books
And going to recitals
And art galleries.
I don't go to recitals anymore
Because my hearing is too sensitive
And I don't go to art galleries anymore
Because there are people there
And I can't deal with people
Because they don't understand me.

I stay home
Reading books that are beneath me,
And working on my work,
Which no one understands

I am sensitive...
I am a sensitive artist..

And the other song that makes me smile- especially when I am taking communion: Jesus was way cool Everybody liked Jesus Everybody wanted to hang out with him Anything he wanted to do, he did He turned water into wine And if he wanted to He could have turned wheat into marijuana Or sugar into cocaine Or vitamin pills into amphetamines He walked on the water And swam on the land He would tell these stories And people would listen He was really cool If you were blind or lame You just went to Jesus And he would put his hands on you And you would be healed That's so cool He could've played guitar better than Hendrix He could've told the future He could've baked the most delicious cake in the world He could've scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky He could've danced better than Barishnikov Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of Jesus was way cool He told people to eat his body and drink his blood That's so cool Jesus was so cool But then some people got jealous of how cool he was So they killed him But then he rose from the dead He rose from the dead, danced around Then went up to heaven I mean, that's so cool Jesus was way cool No wonder there are so many Christians

The other day I got out the shower and caught sight of my new bod and did a sort of mental "how *you* doin?"

I thought--I should wear lipstick today! I put on lipstick and then brushed my teeth. DUH.

The toothbrush was completely covered in lipstick. The end of it looked like I'd mauled a squirrel. I thought, "this would make a funny post!"

I grabbed my cameraphone and took a picture of the bloody looking toothbrush in the sink.

I captioned it, "Rules for chicks: first brush teeth, *then* put on lipstick!"

Oh! I am so *clever* I thought.

I go to my bedroom to get dressed.

I think, "Hmmmm I should put some punctuation in that caption."

I pop open the ibook and load up buzznet.

It's then I notice the faucet in the picture.

You can see me in it.

I'm not wearing clothes.

Now, you had to turn the picture upside down... but my Dad looks at my Buzznet! I quickly deleted the post. Only one view... Hmmm SAFE! I think.

nope.

good old griff in England has already looked at my saucy faucet.

He says my modesty is safe that he didn't notice any extra information... nevertheless my blog has a new name... to remind me to not blog naked!

It's twenty eight days til my birthday and I promised myself back in March that by the time I turned 31 i would weigh under 200 pounds.

I am at 203.

I am almost there!

It's such a mental game. Sometimes I feel like I have done so well that it's a sure thing that I will make my weight goal. I definitely feel better than I did 64 pounds heavier. Sometimes (like tonight shopping at Wal-Mart for Mom who was baking...) I walk down the baking isle and just want to eat everything! There are just so many yummy ways to get fat. Cake, cookies, cheeses and the tons and tons of manufactured crap for sale that is supposed to be food... Like candies and desserts. When you use something as a crutch it takes a long time to make new habits and retrain your brain.
I definitely don't feel like backsliding- but I need to be careful. I'm getting a little too relaxed--letting a lick of icing slide--portions getting bigger. I haven't joined a gym here because that would be admitting that I want to stay here-but I think I need to do it. It will help me keep focused. I am excited to get a cool picture taken when I get to One-derland. 199 feels like the end of the world for some women, but for me it will be an exciting new start!

hey y'all--

I was making a new mix cd for driving around... i do this every once in a while from itunes... I need new music! any suggestions? You know, who i really need to ask is sx70 and feverblue... Hmmm.

In other news-feeling much better after my middle of the night rant. Back on target and in size 14 pants! Holy crap! When i started this adventure, I was in 26/24 stuff...

gotta get going.. gotta shoot the babies...

I am up. and I am so tired! I have to work open to closes to make up for the time I spend down South... I am happy to do it, but I find myself a little impatient with parents at the portrait studio. The children are fine-but I get annoyed at parents wanting their kids to be little perfect dolls! They are kids!!! Let them be children! It's so frustrating to take a picture of a baby who is smiling, looking adorable and the mom says "her little pinky finger is sticking up at an odd angle." Wha?!?!?! oh well.

I have to figure out what I am doing next. Where the hell do I want to go? My brother is having a baby and my family likes to use that as a reason not to move too far away. I love David and Beth, but my brother and I grew up not geographically close to our families, and we loved them very much just the same... I miss the money I could have made in California had I actually charged people enough money--and mostly I miss my California friends.

When I was in Slidell, I was thinking of working for a paper. Patrick had just quit the Times-Picayue before the checked out... Most important things to me: friends, travel, clicking a shutter for a living and feeling like I have made a difference in the world. I suffer from like everybody does--am I really good enough? but that talk in my head is just noise-because it doesn't matter if I am good enough- I still have to click the shutter. Even if I showed no one. And beyond that- it would be a quiet forest if only the best bird sang and no one benefits from living small.

One of my most humiliating moments was when I applied for the Peace Corps in college and the recruiter in front of all the other people applying to the Peace Corps from james MAdison University said, "You are WAY too fat! You need to lose weight! Did you ever try the Cabbage Soup Diet?" I was thinking yesterday after I got the WW news that I am now down 64--and only three pounds still into 200--almost at my next big goal of weight starting with a 1--I could probably go into the Peace Corps without anyone batting an eyelash--but I imagine there are jobs as a photog there. And wouldn't it be better to work like a demon in the states and sponsor one's own travel? Then, if it's just seriously WAY TOO HOT in Zambia, I get to go home.

Anyway- I need to work on that--and figure out what to do because seriously, and I have told friends this over the years, not making a choice is making a choice. but I also believe that when you're ready you just do it- like me leaving LA.

Shandon told me the other day that Ajay is famous for saying if someone hasn't figured it out by thirty then they're just a loser who will never figure it out. I know that's crap, but it's swimming around in my brain as well and I am trying to dump worries so I can go back to bed.

I was so happy to go back South and see Ella. I got completely lost in Biloxi without having someone else guide me around. The Heartbreak Hotel is cleared out- signs down and people gone- no clue what happened to them. Saw Joe (who had two-bits the dog on the car) he's still squatting in a rubble pile next to the hospital...

and Ella. I had missed her. I think she's getting worn down. She was telling me that it was thirty days and although she wouldn't complain- i think that the situation is getting to her. The Nat'l Guard came and busted out her ceiling--her home is a sight--I took a picture or two which I will get up tomorrow... I didn't take many pictures this past time because it was a short trip and I had the feeling people were over getting pictures taken and just wanted the situation to change.

I only stayed with Ella a few hours and headed over to Louisiana. I was braced for worse-although seriously, what's worse that total destruction? and was happily surprised to actually see businesses open and restaurants! WOW!!! I think Slidell had more moeny to start and that is part of the difference. People there will be covered my insurance--Shawn's Mom reminded me there's a 250,000 cap on lots of it, but that is still way better than Ella and her neighbors. Uninsured with nothing but sticks--and no businesses open *at all* in Biloxi! There are a million hurricane problems to report--but you can read the news for that.

There are lots of hurricanes solutions... Mom and Dad helped assemble 4,000 backpacks with school supplies, to take down to ocean springs for schoolchildren... The Red Cross, loved in MS is getting lots of flack in LA for not being fast enough... I saw red cross vans from Virginia, Washington, illinois... filled with weary workers... I wanted to give them all a hug. Shawn's family is working hard to get people hooked up with power-under extremely hard circumstances... they still have half they vehicles and a third of the manpower they need and twice the demand...

I saw Shawn's stuff. Very much of it is completely unsalvagable... I am holding out hope that I can help her save a few albums--I am excited that my old job at Silver Lab did restorations now and then and i did it at photo school as well, so I think I can help her. When she goes there- I will head back down and see what we can do.

The animal shelter in Slildell has 300 + animals and has only reunited 52 animals with their owners. I wanted to take home a fuzzy buddy- but the not having a idea of what I am doing prevented me. When I figure out my next move-maybe i will adopt a furball.

I was driving home listening to U2-- thus the quotes and cameraphone photos. They lyrics are from "Faraway, so Close!", "One" and "Beautiful Day" all hit me in the right spot. God bless Bono-how can some middle-aged rich guy from Ireland get how I was feeling just then... Maybe music is proof we're all cut from the same cloth. I was thinking as I was driving- and I know this isn't always true... that we celebrate in groups-- and when we mourn we feel so isolated. Or I guess when you go through pain you feel like it is unique- that you are alone that it's isolating-it's not really true- people are hurting with you and you shouldn't have to grieve alone- I saw over and over in Biloxi that when people asked for things they got them. I need to remember to have the courage to ask when I need things. So many times when I felt alone I would just sit around and wait for someone to notice--I should be better about reaching out. I like to say that there is never a net-you have to be brave and I believe it, but I haven't always been brave about telling people when I need help and I should do that more.

Which leads me to the next big thing on my brain so I can go to bed. it's lame and stupid--I saw ellen and marc call me an angel on buzznet- sweet but inaccurate--it made me think- yeah, an angel who can't get a date! :) I told myself- why is it always that, wens? let it go! worrying about it is a waste of energy. but what woke me up was a dream, I think? that might as well be true. I met a nice guy, had a great time, heard nothing from him. I dreamt his sister called and said, "I wanted to break the bad news that he really didn't like you."

okay wens, A. you're not for everybody, which is good. and B. who cares! people either get you or they don't and this is nothing to wig out over. I felt myself immediately think- you're too unpolished. In fact, you're not polished at all!! Paint your nails once in a while-- wear some jewerly, buy some heels for chrissake and stop cussing- your vacbulary is large enough to not need to say shit all the time. (btw, my mom was going to point someone towards my blog and then reconsidered because I'd said hell. WTF!?!?!) I do need to stop cursing, dammit.

I told a friend recently that all your faults and all your defects are exactly what's needed right now. and I believe it. besides the endless self-criticism just leads you to spiral down the drain and that doesn't help anyone- so wendy--get your feces together just put one foot in front of the other and you can start that by going back to bed. You have a ton of babies to shoot tomorrow.

It will be quiet the next few days as I go back to Biloxi then Slidell/Covington.

I am going to check on friends of mine in Louisiana... and try to get throught to see Ella again.

I should be back buzzing around Fridayish.

meanwhile I will try to upload my exciting visit to the dentist--I was messaging in the pictures on my phone, but buzz was down. :(

I am happy to report that despite it being ages... and I mean *ages* since I had been to the dentist thanks to no insurance after college... I had only one little cavity!! Woohooooo!

mother of god! People... get the hell out! I am watching cnn and it's making me crazy to see these reporters talking about deadly winds and danger when they are *in the middle of it!*

I am going to bed.

I am heading back to the storm area next week. I am happy to report that my old roomie Cindy and Stella and co. made it out of Houston.

I am praying for Ella.. is she on her porch? and Helen in her home without windows. and Tom and Joe and all the other survivors...

I am ready for this hurricane season to be over.

I think the South has had enough of a beating this year.